I love you, but...

I was returning to the market wards to check on my retainer, Maneki, when the Guard there stopped me.

"Amrita?"

"Aye. Can I do something for you?"

"Oh no, no. It is I who has something for you."

With that I was handed a letter. I turned it over in my hands a few times as I examined it. “Amrita Prakriti – Gridania” was the only thing written on the outside. I nodded and thanked the guard before slipping inside the mender’s ward. Once inside, I settled myself down on one of the cushioned benches and read…

Dear blessed sister of immortal bliss Sri Amritaji,
I am glad this note found its way to your hands dearest sister. Let me first apologize for leaving without giving you a proper hug and kiss. I had to return home immediately and get back to my meditations. As you know, once I arrived in Gridania, I began feeling ill. While I am never an advocate of selfishness, I felt that it was okay this one time in order to preserve my peace and health for the greater good of continuing to serve others.
I can not be your source of strength among the adventurers, though I do hope the Twelve bless you with theirs always. Your strength is quite admirable already, for I have watched as you went out into the world and gave yourself to it. So you see you are quite blessed indeed. That, however, is not my path. I know you can do this without me. You are well aware we are forever bound in the oneness of the great cosmic radiance. Please take heart in that should you ever feel lonely.
Love,
Your beloved ever-pure sister Kaumari.

I folded the paper and pressed a curled finger to my eye to wipe away the tear that had begun to form there. She was right, we were bound, but her physical presence did always have a profound effect on me. I hadn’t realized just how much I missed her until she arrived… And now she was gone again. I looked up to staunch the tears that threatened only to feel a small knot in my throat. I closed my eyes to inhale and exhale deeply for a few breaths.
When I opened my eyes again, Aarik stood before me.

“Amrita, something wrong?”

I opened my mouth to tell him, but the knot had re-formed and all I could do was nod a little and hold back tears.

“What is it? Are you okay?”

Again, all I could do was shake my head yes… then no. With that he sat beside me and gingerly rested his arm about my shoulders, then gave me a little squeeze.

“You don’t have to tell me if you don’t want to. I’ll sit here with you as long as you need... Uh I mean if you want. If you want I can leave you alone if that’s what you would prefer? Either is okay. You know… whatever you need. I’m here for you Am.”

Aarik nodded, satisfied with his rambling. It has caused me to grin a bit. How silly he is when he doesn’t quite know what to say. I cleared my throat and wiped my eyes and smiled up at him.

“Thanks, Aarik… “

Then I showed him the letter.

“Kaumari left this for me… She went home. We’re not proper company for her…”


“What?! I’m sorry Amrita… What’s that supposed to mean, not proper company? I don’t recall being unkind to her at all… Nor you. What a mean thing to say…”


“Peace, Aarik. I’m upset she left this way, but at present our fate takes us down different paths. If I don’t accept that, I’ll just be miserable every day. I can always write to her or something. I… I would imagine she would reply. I would hope.”


“I would hope that as well… You are her only sister after all.”


“Mmhmm…”


“Well I mean it Am, I’m here for you. Whatever you need, you just tell me. I won’t abandon you.”

Again I smiled up at Aarik. He had such an intent look on his face, so serious while trying to be sweet. His brow mildly furrowed. His lips pressed firmly together, jaw tight, eyes unwavering.

“Thank you, Aarik. I’ll not abandon you either.”

With that I leaned in and gave him a little hug before popping up off the bench to see if Maneki had been able to peddle my wares while I was away.